Stats! The Musical

By Anthony Leong © Copyright 1997


An Ode to Professor Ulrich 'Uli' Menzefricke, Master of Statistics (with apologies to "Buenos Aires" by Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber)

Curtain rises to a classroom. ULI is in front of the class demonstrating a dotplot with Minitab. EVA bursts into the classroom. Music rises.

EVA:

What's new Professor Uli?

I'm new, I wanna learn some stats from you,

Teach me something new.

I'm in this class, Professor Uli!

Stand back, you oughta know what you're gonna get in me,

Just a touch of MBA quality.

Show me normality, random walks,

With a plot, enthrall me.

Give a nice summary, graph it out,

Or I'm not, learning anything.

Don't hold back, you are certain to impress,

Tell the Dean, this is where I'm staying.

Hello, Professor Uli!

Get this, I do the exercises in your book,

Would you like to look?

ULI:

We will start with the mean, sequence plots,

Regression, random sampling.

Time series study, correlate,

Deviation, hypothesis testing.

Is it a stable or random process?

Don't forget the problem set I'm assigning.

EVA:

Stand back, Professor Uli!

Because you oughta know what you're gonna get in me,

Just a touch of MBA quality.

And if I never ever use,

Anything that you taught me Ul',

I'll treasure them and think of you.

And as I fill out the assessment sheets,

They hand out in the very last week,

All your ratings will be 'excellent'.

(The other students in the class get up and do a big dance number with EVA.)

ULI:

The F-zed, at the point,

That is equal to the mean, is point-five.

Take a look, at these points,

They look like they're meandering.

Definitely the sign of a nonrandom process,

A runs test will confirm what I'm saying.

EVA:

MSD, and Operations,

OB, and that course by Ambar Rao,

Seem so trifle now.

Stand back, Professor Uli!

Because you oughta know what you're gonna get in me

Just a little touch of

Just a little touch of

Just a little touch of MBA quality!

Lights dim. Players exit.


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